Too Much
by theturtlemoves
Summary: ONESHOT Warning, HBP spoilers! After the Hospital Wing scene at the end of the book, Remus stands alone in an empty classroom trying to take everything in. RLNT Read and Review!


HBP spoilers! (Actually, if you're reading this and you haven't read HBP, then you're really going about your life in entirely the wrong way.) This is set after the hospital wing scene at the end of the book, that same night/early morning.

God, the only Remus I ever write is angst-ridden!Remus. I've really got to get down to writing some of that dry-sarcastic-wit!Remus whom I love so very much. Later, I promise. For now, here he is in all his angsty glory.

Remus/Tonks upset me at first, but that was probably just a reaction to the overwhelmingly couply nature of HBP in general, because now I think they're insanely cute. This is just an angsty oneshot, but I've got a great plan for a series which will definitely include some of that wonderful RLNT flirty banter that we all love.

'_Don't_ call me Nymphadora, Remus.'

Priceless. God that makes me laugh. Why didn't I pick it up back then?

Disclaimer: It's all JK Rowling. I am merely worshipping at the altar of her genius.

**Too Much**

In an empty classroom a few stories below the hospital wing, Remus Lupin stared out across the grounds towards the Astronomy tower. Too much had happened tonight that he was able in any way to process it. Too much had happened – even though it was nearly dawn, he knew he wouldn't get any sleep tonight.

Too much. It was too much to take in. That's why he had come down here, that's why he'd had to get away. Molly was doing her mothering bit, Harry was looking as though the world had just ended, Hagrid was inconsolable and Tonks …

He shut his eyes. Sweet Merlin, why wasn't life ever _simple_? He felt weak, powerless to do anything at all. It was too much. Too much for this old werewolf to take. A man shouldn't have to deal with so many things at once. He didn't know whether to break down and cry, or get angry and start hexing things, or …

'Remus?'

… Or fall into her arms and lose himself in her touch.

He turned.

'You found me.'

She took a few hesitant steps into the room. He studied her for a few moments, allowing himself to think only of her. He found it odd that although this look, this mousy hair with the grey eyes and the tired posture, although this was what she would look like if she had never had the power to change herself – even though this was her 'true' form, it looked less like her, less like _Tonks_ than anything he had ever seen her in before. Where was the cocky tilt of the head, the sparkling wink?

Where was the pink? He missed the pink.

_For pity's sake, Lupin. Don't be a fool_.

He missed _her_. In any incarnation, be it pink or red or green. He just missed _her_.

'I …' She swallowed and averted her eyes. 'I'm sorry I made a scene, before.' She sighed. 'I guess I just … I …'

Oh Merlin, she wasn't going to apologise for _that_, was she? After everything that had happened tonight, _that_ was what she was sorry for? He couldn't believe it. She shouldn't have had to apologise for that. He should be the one to apologise, if anything. If anything, he should be the one to say that he was sorry.

_Sorry that I thought you'd get over it. Sorry that I doubted your conviction. Sorry that, instead of feeling mortified, I felt a secret kind of guilty pleasure that you still wanted to be with me._

_Sorry that I'm a tired old fool who couldn't begin to understand what a beautiful, intelligent young woman with her whole life ahead of her could ever want with a decrepit werewolf like me._

_Sorry that I'm a complete coward._

'It's … fine,' he said untruthfully. She shook her head.

'No, no it's not,' she said, tears falling over her cheeks. 'I should never have … you were right, it was neither the time nor the place. I'm sorry, I was just so … so _frustrated_ with everything. It felt like there was just too much to deal with, and I just had to let loose with something. I know you're not fond of being the centre of attention, so I'm sorry that I put you on the spot like that.' She sniffed and raised her eyes to his.

Merlin's beard, he admired her courage. As he looked into her eyes, he finally understood something James had said, another lifetime ago, about Lily.

'_I tell you, Moony, she holds herself like a queen. Watch her, mate. See how she stands? If it were a bloke, it'd be arrogance, but since it's her – sweet Merlin, I'm at her mercy when she looks like that. She's got this confidence about her, she's so aware of herself … no bloke could ever pull that off. It's in every move she makes, can't you see? Like she thinks about moving for a long time before she actually does. She's got … she's got grace, that's what it is. Grace. That's what grace is. That's how you tell.'_

That inner confidence asserted itself now in the eyes of the young woman standing in front of him. Her poise was unmistakable. He could almost hear her thinking that she would not allow her emotions to get a hold on her. No matter how erratically she might have moved throughout her daily life, she had that inner grace that James had spoken of.

'There's nothing for you to feel sorry for,' he said quietly. 'Trust me. You haven't done anything wrong.'

Her lip trembled ever so slightly.

'Then why do I feel like such a complete and utter fool?' she whispered, nearly choking on the words. 'I can't help but think that maybe you'll never hear me, Remus. Like maybe I'm wasting my breath trying to make you see me. Like maybe you're too buried in your own problems to notice me at all.'

He felt a strange sensation of dizziness. He fought to balance himself.

'It's not that I don't notice you, Nymphadora,' he implored. 'Quite the contrary, in fact.'

Her smile was small and tired, and if anything it only made her look even more depressed than before.

'I know,' she murmured. 'I know you do. But I wonder, all the same. I'm not sure which way is easier.'

Remus sighed.

'What do you want from me?'

He asked it in earnest, sincerely. He had to know where to go from there. Otherwise they would keep going backwards and he knew he couldn't handle that, no matter how much he wanted to protect her. No matter how much he pushed her away, he would never have pushed her right out of his life – not intentionally at least. No, he needed her, if only to see her every once in a while, not to see that she was all right but simply to _see_ her, to look into those eyes which were always _her_ eyes, no matter what colour they were. He needed that.

She stepped forward and took both of his hands in her own, her grey eyes locked onto his brown ones.

'What do I want? You know what I want. I want you, for once in your life, to let someone _in_, Remus!' The tears were coming more freely now. 'Actually, no – let _me_ in! For Merlin's sake, if you can't do it for yourself, then do it for me. Can't you see that I need you to do this for me? Can't you see what happens to me when I'm not with you?' She tugged on a lock of her mousy brown hair. 'Don't you see that I love you? Stop thinking about how to discourage me, because it isn't going to work. You know and I know that love doesn't work like that.'

There was a ringing silence left by her words.

Tonight, everything was changing. Remus found himself overwhelmed once again by everything.

Grey dawn light was creeping into the room, oblivious to the way the world had shifted in its absence. The sun would go on rising, no matter what. Just like the forces of evil would go on with their destructive deeds.

They would all go on fighting, too. But for what?

Remus stared at her.

'_A little more love in the world' … yes, that's it. That's what we all fight for. And no matter what, I can't ignore the fact that she's almost as miserable as me these days._

Everything that had happened tonight … it was too much to handle. Too much to deal with. At least, too much to deal with alone.

There was nothing he could say, so he simply pulled her into a tight embrace. He held her as close as he could, as though somehow he could merge their two bodies into one. She clung to him desperately.

'I never wanted to hurt you,' he said, his voice choked with emotion. She clung to him more desperately still.

'I know,' she whispered. 'I know you couldn't do it on purpose.'

He pulled back a little and put her hand under her chin to tilt her face so that she was looking at him again.

It was too much to deal with alone. It was, like she had said, time to let loose with something that was troubling him. It was time to let it go. Time to share it, because it was all too much for one man to take.

'I'm in love with you, Nymphadora Tonks,' he said, clearly and with all the conviction she had shown. He would not let her down again.

A broad smile lit up her face. In the pale light that was slowly stealing away the gloom, Remus could see that the roots of her hair were slowly changing back to pink.

He'd missed the pink.

She took a deep, blissful breath.

'And I'm in love with you, Remus Lupin,' she said. His heart soared. 'But you already knew that.'

He smiled and fingered a pale pink lock of her hair. 'I did,' he agreed. 'As much as I might not have wanted to believe it. You are sure, aren't you? Because the fact remains that I am –'

She raised her eyebrows.

'Too old, too poor, too dangerous?' she interrupted, echoing his earlier words. He shrugged sadly.

'You deserve –'

'Remus Lupin, if you try to tell me what I _deserve_ one more time I will make you wish you hadn't,' she warned. 'Let's get this straight once and for all, shall we? You're not too old, so don't be stupid. I care about your age just about as much as I care about how much money you've got. Those things don't make any difference to who you are. They don't change how much I love you and they never could.'

'And what about the other thing?' he asked.

'The bit about you being dangerous?' She smiled wryly. 'For Merlin's sake, Remus. I can take care of myself, you know. I'm an auror after all. The greatest danger I'm in with you about is falling head over heels – and I do that anyway, so I don't know what you're so worried about.'

He almost laughed in spite of himself.

'Fair enough,' he murmured amusedly.

'So we're clear, then?' She grinned. 'I'm a klutz, and you're a werewolf.'

He smiled at her. Perhaps there would be a future moment when he would doubt her again, or when he would try to push her away. If he knew himself, there would definitely come a time where his old insecurities would surface and he would set out to sabotage himself all over again. But right now, as he held her close, he knew that she would stand by him through all of that.

Tonight, too much had happened that he could easily take it all in. But it was only now, as the sun began to rise above the hills, that Remus remembered the forgotten lesson of the man they had so tragically lost.

'_Trust your friends, Remus. Trust them, and they will have no reason not to trust you back. Share your burdens and you will find that the load really does become lighter. Do not allow your condition to force you to lie to those you love, for that is the road to darkness. Simply treat others as you wish to be treated, and you will find that your courtesy will be returned to you.'_

At thirteen, those words had changed his life, and the lives of many others. Now, as the golden light of the new day flooded the empty classroom where he stood with the bravest, most vibrant young woman he'd ever met, he remembered them and the happiness they had afforded him.

He pushed a strand of vivid pink out of her eyes as he pulled her closer still.

'That I am a werewolf cannot be denied,' he murmured, gently tracing the line of her jaw with his thumb. 'But so far as you being a klutz is concerned …' He paused, his lips a breath away from hers. '… I happen to think that you are the most graceful woman I have ever known.'

Their lips met – at first gently, as though testing the waters; and then the kiss deepened passionately and Remus wondered where he had ever found the energy to fight this moment for so long. He felt as though he would never be unhappy again, as though all of his problems had been solved with one simple kiss …

When she pulled back there was a mischievous glint in her eye.

'If you call me graceful then you must either be lying so that you might have your way with me, or you must be a fool,' she said, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled and kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear.

'They say we are all fools, in love.'

She giggled.

The sun had well and truly risen by now, and its fresh morning light poured into the room, oblivious to the way the world had changed during the dark hours. Too much had happened that night that the sun would never be aware it had missed – but for now, despite all tragedy that may have occurred in its absence, its first golden rays touched not upon scenes of despair but instead upon one of hope.

For, despite the circumstances, there was now a little more love in the world.

_So… reviews? Queries? Ideas? Theories? (heh. rhyming is fun)_

_Don't be shy!_


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